Once Upon a Time....

I was pregnant. Surprised? Maybe, maybe not. I'm sure many of you have wondered why Spencer and I haven't had kids yet (after being married for 5 years, that is an eternity in Mormon world). Truth is, we stopped preventing after 6 months of being married. Subtract a year and some months of Spencer being gone, and you do the math....it's still been a really long time. I realize that this is a very personal and private matter, and maybe not the best idea to share on the internet. However, I feel like I have learned so much in the last several years about myself, my relationship with Spencer, and my relationship with God. I also know that there are so many other couples who struggle with infertility, and maybe I can at least let them know that they are far from being alone in this battle.

Going back to that first sentence...yes, I got pregnant. About 4 months ago. It only happened as a result of fertility drugs. Unfortunately, it only lasted for 6 weeks and 3 days. Before I get in to any details, let me just say that what I went through was NOTHING compared to what so many other women have gone through. Miscarriage is such a common occurrence, I am willing to bet that everybody knows at least one person who has experienced it (and if you didn't before, now you do). Many women keep it a secret because it is such a devastating time in their life. I can totally understand why they choose not to talk about it, but I wanted to make mine known. Why? Not to get sympathy...the last thing I want is for people to feel bad for me. It is only because I found comfort in knowing that I was not alone in that experience. It gave me hope to hear from my friends who had gone through a miscarriage (or 2 or 3), and eventually ended up with the family full of kids that they always dreamed of. While the miscarriage was obviously heartbreaking, the fact that I actually got pregnant was a really big deal, and has given me a lot of hope for the future.


Getting pregnant was not easy. A lot of things (other than the obvious) went into the equation. Dr.'s appointments, missed diagnosis', ultrasounds, blood work, forums, personal research, fertility drugs, and a whole lotta patience. To be 100% honest, while we didn't prevent for a few years, I can't say that I am completely disappointed with the way things have turned out. Spencer and I have had so much time together to build a really great and solid relationship with just the two of us. We have been able to travel and go out on most weekends. The older I have gotten, the more educated I've become, which gives me more confidence to eventually be a good mom. It wasn't always easy though. I definitely went through my phases of being jealous and upset when so many women around me announced their pregnancies. Luckily I eventually came to peace with those issues, and even learned to be genuinely happy for those women. It was an important time in my life when I realized that other people's happiness is no reason to bring me down, in fact, other people's happiness should in fact make me happier. 


Spencer has been more than supportive throughout the entire process. He has never pressured me or blamed me. He has shown a lot of love and a lot of patience. And that is all that I need. I have also felt continual love from God. There are some things that I can't explain in words. I have never felt let down by Him. I have only felt like the time wasn't quite right. Even when I had the miscarriage, I felt like it was supposed to happen. Again, I can't quite explain it. But I don't feel like I was blind sighted by it. I felt prepared to face it. And boy am I grateful for those feelings. 


My advice for those of you who are struggling with fertility is to do your research! The first time I knew something was wrong with me was when I was reading a magazine and found an article on symptoms that go with specific diagnosis'. There was one (PCOS) where I fit almost all of the symptoms. From then on, I did a lot of research and read a lot of forums on other women who have the same problems. I go to my Dr.'s with specific questions and requests. The last year of my life I have felt very in control of my body and know what is going on with it. I don't just submit myself to every Dr. (I have seen MANY in the last few years) I see and let them make all of the decisions. Maybe I shouldn't be giving advice just quite yet since I don't even have a success story, but I do feel strongly about taking control of your body and educating yourself about it. 


So there is my story. While it's not the happiest of stories, it has provided me with many positive experiences and life lessons. I hope that those of you who share this struggle can find hope, peace, and success.

My Favorites - Beauty Products

 A lot of people are into the review blogs with free giveaways of fun products. I follow a lot of them and hope for a win. Unfortunately, that has never happened. Anyways, I decided that I wanted to post some of my favorite products that I use and fully recommend. I'm not getting free products to do this, nor am I giving away anything. I just thought it would be fun to let you know what works best for me. Keep in mind that I shop on a budget.  Also, know that I acknowledge the fact that every person is different and has their individual needs in products. Now on to the list:

 

This mousse saves me! I literally spend less than 5 minutes on my hair on a typical day. After my shower, I comb through my hair with a wide tooth comb. Then I towel dry for a couple of minutes. After that, I flip my head upside down and distribute this mousse evenly throughout my hair while scrunching it up. And that's it. My hair air dries and I seem to get a lot of compliments on my hair. It gives me nice, frizz-free, non-crunchy soft curls.

 

I use this scrub every night. If you remember my previous post about my big pores, you will know that I am prone to blackheads. This scrub does a great job of exfoliating while giving off a nice, fresh, grapefruity scent.

 

I'm a little bit obsessed with this moisturizer. It literally feels like you are putting water on your face. It is super light and not oily AT ALL. It has temporarily been replaced with a mysterious concoction from Indonesia that my friend got for me (that seems to work like a miracle), but whenever I need to moisturize, this is what I will always always buy. 

 

I was converted to this shower gel after my many trips to visit my dear friend KC and her family in California. At first I thought it was too much to pay for shower gel (that I could pay $3 for other brands), but it really does leave you skin softer. Plus I love the clean smell. It's not too flowery or anything. Perfect for men and women to use.

 

I think that OPI nail polish is the obvious popular choice for nail polish. I have a hard time paying close to $10 for nail polish that I'm not even sure how it'll look on my nails. And what if I don't like it? Anyways, I just barely discovered this gem. The brush is thicker than normal, so it is super easy to paint my own fingernails. Plus, it lasts FOREVER! I found them at the drug store on clearance - $1.50 each! 

 

This is what I use for my morning washes. It produces the perfect amount of suds so you feel nice and clean. And it's not too strong that it leaves your skin feeling dry. 

 

There was a point in my life where this SAVED me. No joke. Sure, it's embarrassing to admit that I had a problem, but you know what, if this can help someone else, it is totally worth it. This stuff beats all those other popular named (Secret, Degree, etc.) prescription strength ones. It is that great. Just know that it is not a deodorant, so you might have to get something else to put on in the mornings.

 

My skin is pretty sensitive to lotions, but this one has worked well for me. I haven't tried TOO many different kids, so I'm sure there are other good ones out there, but I'll probably continue to buy this one. The color of the bottle also feels like it's making me tan, even though I know it's  not.

 

I don't think I will ever be able to shave with anything other than this specific razor. It gives me the closest shave possible (I have crazy coarse leg hair) and it never gives me razor burn like so many other razors. I love love love it. The only problem is that Spencer likes it too, so he steals all my cartridges.

There are a lot of other products that I use that I have not become set on. I am still buying different brands to see which one really sticks. Some of those include shampoo/conditioner, toothpaste, floss, and hair products for straight hair. Now, if you want to make this fun, comment on here or blog about your favorite products. Share the love! We all shouldn't have to learn by trial and error. Plus I'm just curious to see what everyone else uses. Eventually I want to do a make up post, so stay tuned.