1 Month

 

Today is Eleanor's 1 month! Time most definitely flies by, but at the same time, it almost feels longer than just one month. I recently told Spencer that I have loved being a hermit crab this last month. We really haven't gone out much. Just a few grocery trips and doctors appointments. But for the most part, the last month has been full of sleep, feedings, and just cuddling on the couch. When I do go in public, I feel a little weird seeing her out in the world. It's almost like I don't want to share her quite yet. I just want to enjoy this time all to ourselves.

The picture below is the reason I have to have her in mittens. I didn't want to have to put her in them, so I've been keeping her nails cut regularly. I have no problem with that. But then she discovered her hair. And if you haven't noticed, she is always moving her arms, and especially keeping them up by her head. She started grabbing and pulling her hair, which then made her scream in pain. And she won't let go! So now she'll be wearing mittens until she's old enough not to hurt herself.

Thanksgiving

This Thanksgiving was pretty low key at our house. We had our friends over who just moved to Hawaii. He was Spencer's boss on the ship when they were deployed. So happy to have them here! Our menu consisted of the usual. Turkey, kalua pig, sweet potato souffle, mac and cheese...all the goods.

This year I am thankful for so many things. Most of all, so thankful to be the mother to our little girl Eleanor. It has been such a rewarding experience to be with her every hour of every day. And to share that experience with Spencer is so great.

Eleanor's Blessing Day

 

We had Eleanor's blessing on November 6th at our house. Spencer and I had always wanted to have our kids' blessings at our house after we attended a friend's baby blessing at their house. We loved how personal it was. Luckily, it all worked out because the only Sunday my parents were in town was stake conference, so it was a good excuse.

My granny made her dress. I decided to pass on the bonnet - but I love how dramatic the dress is! And Spencer's grandmother made her little booties. It was a perfect little outfit for her! We invited just a few close friends over and really enjoyed the evening. I don't think Eleanor cried once the whole night (a miracle indeed). Spencer did a great job on the blessing - had everyone in tears. It really was such a special night for me. Only way it could have been better was if all our family and friends were here.

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The First Few Weeks of Being a Mother

The first few weeks of being a mother have proven to be exhausting, joyful, challenging, emotional, and overall pretty surreal.

The first night home was probably one of the most paranoid nights of our lives. We have a pack 'n play/bassinet in our room that she slept in. I didn't get any sleep that night because I was worried she would stop breathing. There is nothing quite like that first night full of worry for this innocent little baby. She slept propped up in her boppy in our bed for a little while, but then I was paranoid because I know you're not supposed to let them sleep in them for risk of suffocation. Then she slept in my arms for a while. I found she slept best that way. I slept better as well because I could just open my eyes and see that she was ok instead of grab my phone for a light and get out of bed to check on her. I also liked feeling her move in her sleep because it reminded me of when I was pregnant and would feel her move as I tried to sleep.

I made it through the first few nights on our own before my parents came to visit with only one breakdown. There was a night when Eleanor decided she didn't remember how to nurse. She was so worked up and I couldn't sooth her. And I knew she needed to eat, but she wouldn't. And I got frustrated. Knowing that she wanted to eat, but wouldn't, and knowing that she needed soothing, but I couldn't. And if you could hear this girl's cry - you'd understand. She already has a reputation at her pediatrician's office for her heart wrenching, out of control screaming. She eventually calmed down, but only after a long period of crying on her part and patience on ours. These little babies can hard to figure out sometimes.

My parents came and went, and oh how they were appreciated!! Eleanor slept in their room. My mom brought her to me when it was time to eat, then took her back and changed diapers, put her back to sleep, etc. Those extra hours of sleep for me were priceless. My dad took the morning shift since he had a hard time adjusting to the time difference. And they loved on her every second they could while they were here. We already miss them like crazy.

Other things I have learned in the first few weeks: She loves the car (thank goodness!! let's hope it lasts!). She has about 7 different facial expressions she makes when she's trying to wake up. I swear she looks older every time she wakes up. She never spits up, but she had one day where she threw up twice. And another day when she projectile vomited. It was pretty horrific. Luckily it missed me and only hit the couch and floor. Our swing is a miracle worker. It gives us a few hours of free time or nap time every day. And last night I had her sleep in it, and she gave me a good 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep. Heaven. I love her cute little coughs. And when she cries so hard that her mouth curls up and her voice gets raspy. She has gone through at least 2-3 outfits every day due to diaper explosions. I'm pretty excited for those to slow down. She hates getting her diaper changed. She likes baths sometimes. I am amazed at how I can still function on such little sleep. Some days I do feel a bit shaky or lightheaded, but for the most part, you find a way to make it work. And not even just make it work, but I enjoy getting up at all hours of the night to feed her and just watch her. Spencer is a changed man. Never imagined seeing him so in love with a baby. But he is smitten. And it is the sweetest thing. I am amazed at how quickly my body was able to heal after delivery. I was feeling great after about 4 or 5 days. But I realize that can be deceiving, so I've still been taking it easy. I still can't believe I have my very own baby. It is such a crazy reality to accept. So surreal. But she is beautiful and such a blessing in our home. Taking care of a newborn is seriously hard work. Mostly because of the lack of sleep issue. But we are so in love with this girl. I have already learned so much about her and how to take care of her in such a short amount of time. Spencer and I are learning together and have gotten so much closer because of it.

If this post seemed a bit scrambled, well, I don't apologize. Just wanted to get some thoughts down while I had some free time. And I want to remember this crazy/delirious time of my life. Because I know I'll miss it when she gets bigger and older.

Eleanor's Birth Story

The entire last week is pretty much a blur. This is my attempt at documenting every last detail that I can remember of it.

Let's start with last Sunday. I had an appointment that morning(weird they were even open on Sunday) before church. I was 39 weeks. The doctor checked the heartbeat and measured my stomach. He did a real quick ultrasound to check fluid levels. When I found out he wasn't going to check to see if I was dilated, I asked him when they usually do that check. He said not until the due date or after. I told him a lot of people had been asking me if I was dilated already, and it got me curious. So after I requested it, he did end up checking me, and then he had this surprised look on his face and told me I was already at a 2-3. He asked if I had had any painful contractions up to that point, and I didn't. So we were both surprised. He said it was very unusual for a first time mom to get to that point with no pain. He told me to come back in a week, but he said he didn't think I'd make it that far. Things got pretty real for me then. The thought of having a baby that week was so exciting yet terrifying.

Monday came and went. I had to work, so I dropped the kids off at school that morning and picked them up that afternoon. I don't remember anything significant happening that day. No contractions. Nothing.

Let me just interrupt and explain Spencer's schedule for the week. He was on night shift and had to work Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday night. He had been telling me all week to just hold off until Wednesday to have the baby. His job is one that requires someone to be there at all times, so we didn't want to have to inconvenience anyone. Once we got to Wednesday, he had work off for about 2.5 weeks.

Tuesday morning I woke up, had breakfast, then started feeling some contractions. These were different than the Braxton Hicks I thought I had beforehand. The Braxton Hicks were more on the top of my stomach, these were down low. Felt like menstrual cramps. Also reminded me of what I felt when I had my miscarriage. I realized they were pretty consistent, but didn't think they were strong enough to be anything to worry about. Just a little achy. I talked to my mom a while and told her about them. She said they sounded real, but I decided just to hold off to see if anything changed.

I went about my day as usual. Picked up the kids from school. Decided to take them back to my house just in case this was the real deal. I had also started timing them several hours earlier, and they were all very much 5 minutes apart...or less. Sometimes 2 or 3 minutes apart. But again, I didn't think they were serious enough to go to the hospital. Some of them were painful enough to stop walking and wait for it to pass, but again, it was more achy than sharp pain like I expected.

I called my doctor to get her opinion. It as about 4:00pm. I told her they were regular and consistent, and they weren't necessarily getting too much worse, but they weren't getting better either. She said, "well, it doesn't hurt to just come get checked. If you get here and your cervix is changing, we'll admit you, or if you get here and you're at a 4, we'll admit you". I realized that at this point I probably was at least a 4 because I was already a 2-3 on Sunday. So I made plans. She said she'd let the hospital know I was on my way. I told her I'd probably wait it out just a little longer, but would eventually go in. The mom of the kids that I watch is actually a nurse at the ER of the hospital we were going to, and was getting off work at 6. I called her and told her what was going on and that we'd just wait til she got off work so they wouldn't have to be waiting around forever. I then called my friend to ask her if she could take us to the hospital. If I did get admitted, I didn't want us to have 2 cars at the hospital. Plus, I wasn't sure if I should be driving.

I called Spencer and told him I was going in just to get checked. I don't know why I was so afraid of a false alarm, but that's what I was expecting. I left all of our bags, cameras, etc at home and figured he could get them if I did get admitted. Also, the guy who was on call to cover Spencer's shift should I go into labor was playing in an adult football league that night. His game was at 6. He said he'd have his phone on him, but still, I thought I could wait it out until at least after his game was over.

We get to the hospital. Right at about 6:00pm. I drop off the kids. I  kept thinking to myself "I'm going to be mad if these contractions all of a sudden stop as I'm walking in and they send me home and think I'm a fool for coming in". Because in all honesty, in between contractions, I was totally fine. And I convinced myself every time that I shouldn't be feeling this good for being in labor. I walked up to the counter and said something like "umm, I think I'm in labor. My doctor said she'd call to tell you I was coming. I just wanted to get checked". They took me to the triage room and got me hooked up to the monitor. They said they'd be back to check on me in 15 minutes. I laid there and watched the wedding episode of The Office -  my favorite one. I realized it had been 30 minutes since I was in there, and I also realized that the contractions were getting  more painful. Like a concentrated and need to breathe through them painful. I called the nurse and asked if they knew if I was getting admitted or not because I would need to tell my husband. So finally a nurse came in and checked me. She said "oooh my gooodnesssss". And I said "what does 'ooooh my gooodnessss' mean!?". And she said "you're at a 7-8". I couldn't believe it! I really didn't believe it at first. She even told another nurse that maybe she should check me just to verify. But she didn't. Then all these nurses were coming in saying "there is NO way you should be smiling and comfortable like this at an 8!". At this point it was 6:40pm. I immediately called Spencer and said "you need to get here...NOW! I'm already at an 8!" He said ok, and I knew he'd do what he needed to do to get there as quickly as possible (he's been looking forward to the day I was in labor and could drive as fast as he wanted to the hospital. I can't believe he actually got that chance). I called and told my friend who was waiting in the waiting area that I was an 8. She came in and said goodbye and good luck. Then off I went to my room.

I told everyone I wanted epidural, and quickly got extremely nervous that I was too far along to get one. I really got panicky at one point about having to go natural. That was never in my plan. My doctor walked in the room and asked if Spencer was on his way. Then she kind of made fun of me for calling her and wondering if I was in labor when obviously I was majorly in labor. She also told me that since I was so controlled that I would in fact be able to get the epidural. Hallelujah! I kept hearing nurses walking in and out saying things like "she was just so happy and calm...first time mom.....39 weeks, 2 days....blah blah blah". It then hit me that not only was I going to have a baby that day, but in just a couple of hours.

Spencer called to ask if he had time to go home to get all our bags. I would have said no, but the camera was there, and we can't go through this without taking pictures. So I said to go ahead, but hurry. A teeny tiny part of me was so scared he wouldn't make it in time and I'd have to go through this by myself. I was hoping the epidural would slow things down to allow him enough time to get there.

The contractions started getting pretty intense. I kept wondering when I'd get the epi! I found that flexing my legs/feet helped with the pain, and obviously breathing helped. I didn't realize that so much had to happen before you could get the epidural. I had to wait for the bag of fluid to empty in my IV. And they had to take blood. And ask me all sorts of questions. I was really feeling the pain at this point.

And then Spencer walked through the door. I was so relieved! From the time I had called him til the time he walked in was about 45 minutes. At this point it was about 7:30pm. He saw me breathe through a few contractions, and I showed him just how strong they were by showing him the printout from the monitor. Those things were off the charts. He told me he liked the date October 25th better than October 26th, so to try to have the baby that night.

Finally the anesthetist came and I got excited. It was about 7:45 pm. She took forever telling me all the mumbo jumbo of what she legally has to say. I just nodded and said let's do this already! My nurse held my hands to make sure I held still. The epidural wasn't bad. In fact, I thought it was kinda cool how you could feel the fluids go right through you. The anesthetist then said something like "uh oh" - which is NOT what you want to hear when getting a potentially dangerous shot! She said something happened, and she got blood in the catheter, and it rarely ever happens, and she'd have to do it again. How annoying! So I held still again and the 2nd time worked.

Luckily it kicked in fast, and I think I only felt a little bit of one contraction after that. Life was good. They checked me right after the epidural, and I was already 9.5 cm dilated. Spencer and I took some pictures. I don't really remember what else happened except for trying to accept the fact that we were going to meet our baby so soon. I think at this point we discussed if we were going to add a Hawaiian name. We have been back and forth about it for a long time, and now was the time to make the decision. We decided to go for it. We got some help choosing the name from some of our good friends here. It means 'The Beloved One'. Fitting, if you ask me. My doctor came in and hung out for a while. I can't tell you how much I loved her. She was so laid back and just perfect for us. She said a volunteer was going around offering people cookies. My doctor told me that would be my push prize. Push for a cookie.

At about 8:45 I felt extreme pressure. I tried to hold everything in because I didn't know what to do, and my doctor wasn't in the room. When she came back I told her, she checked me, and said "ok, we can push now". Like it was no big deal. This was it. They set up the table, told Spencer how to hold my leg, and then the pushing began. My nurse coached me the entire time. She was great. And did I mention that it was her first day working at that hospital?! She had just moved here from New York. She had the perfect balance of intensity and encouragement that I needed. She ended up neglecting doing a lot of the every day procedures after the delivery, but that's another story.


My water had not broken on its own at this point. We talked about how some babies are born in their water bags, and it's a sort of good luck. I told her that we should try it. Why not!?

After pushing through the 2nd contraction, my doctor was laughing. LAUGHING. I couldn't believe it. Here I am concentrating and in such a vulnerable position, and she is laughing. She said "keep pushing, I'll tell you why I'm laughing in a second". When the contraction was over, she said my water bag was bulging out like a balloon. And I guess that was funny. She thought it'd be best to just break the water and help move things along. I didn't really care, so she went ahead and did it.


I didn't realize how much pushing would hurt. I thought I'd be 100% numb from the epidural, but apparently I was told that she couldn't guarantee I wouldn't feel pressure. I couldn't feel contractions, but I could most definitely feel the baby moving down. I felt so much that I was the one telling the doctor when it was time to push again. After a few contractions I felt like I could have passed out from holding my breath so much. They put an oxygen mask on me and said it was completely up to me if I wanted to use it or not. I kept in on for a while. After every contraction I had some comment of how much it hurt, and how I wasn't expecting to feel everything, and asking how much longer. It was seriously no fun at all. I can't imagine what it would have been like if I didn't have the epidural! All you natural birthers out there, you have my respect!

At one point the doctor said she saw her head and that she had a lot of dark hair! I was so excited - I definitely wasn't expecting dark hair. They asked if I wanted a mirror and I quickly declined. I was a little concerned about Spencer because we had already decided he'd be staying up near me and not down there. But then the doctor just told him where to go and how to help, and well, he saw it all happen. And it didn't even phase him.

They kept telling me we were getting close. I felt the most pressure when she was crowning. As much as I didn't want to push anymore, I knew that it was just a few more until it was all over. After yelling "how much longer!?", the doctor told me 2 more contractions. She got her robe on and prepared for the baby to come. The final pushes were intense. I was literally yelling as loud as if it were a natural birth. I heard the doctor say that her head was out, then an arm, then I don't remember. It was all so surreal. It was 9:47 pm.  Next thing I know they are putting her on my chest. All I could do was cry and say "hi!!" over and over and over. She immediately grabbed on to my finger, and I just melted. There really are no words to describe the experience. Her hair was indeed dark and wavy. And the second I saw her eyes I looked up and told Spencer that she looked like him. I had told the doctor earlier that Spencer didn't care about cutting the cord. She made some comment about how she didn't cut them. I thought she was kidding. But then I look up and she's handing ME the scissors, and said "I"m serious, I don't cut the cord". So I cut her cord.

After a good amount of skin to skin bonding time, they took her to weigh/measure her and give her some shots. The doctor followed through with her promise and came back with a big plate of cookies. She had to tell Spencer to get the camera to take pictures of Eleanor while she was getting weighed. It was as if we were in a different world. It didn't even cross our minds.

While she was getting weighed, all I heard the nurse say was "11". I freaked out and said "did you just say she's 11 pounds!?" They laughed and said, no, 7 lb, 11 oz. Doctor said she needs to go to Vegas.

After all the craziness was over, things calmed down a bit and we got to spend some time with this little baby of ours. We took some more pictures. I attempted to nurse her. We texted and called our friends and family to share the news.

The next day/night, we just tried to figure out how to take care of the baby. Our birthing center is "baby friendly" and does not take the baby to the nursery to give me a break. So we had the baby with us the whole time and tried our best to get her to sleep so we could sleep. I was surprised at how well Spencer was a soothing her and getting her to quiet down. This girl has a pair of lungs on her. And she got a rep with the nurses for it. He also jumped at every opportunity to help with diaper changes. He is smitten with this little girl. I must say, I never expected to see such a major transformation in him overnight. He was a trooper with his sleeping arrangement. He had what has to be the most uncomfortable pull out chair I've ever seen. Pretty much springs with a sheet on it.

We also had some visitors. First was the Kanahele's. Then the lady I work for came by before her shift started. Our friend Libby came by with her little girl Lanaya. And then lastly our friends Kim and Gloria came by. Gloria is a pediatrician and helped us out with some of our complaints about our treatment at the hospital. She got us a pacifier(again, this hospital is 'baby friendly' and does not offer pacifiers unless requested). We loved having our friends come by and introduce them to Eleanor.

Our stay at the hospital the rest of the time was not so great. I got pretty frustrated several times with a lot of things. They left the blood pressure band on my arm 4 hours longer than needed. That thing was squeezing the life out of me every half hour or so. And they told me they'd bring me some Motrin, and never come back with it. They told us they were going to bathe her, but that never happened until the next day. So a lot of promises and no follow through. They were very busy that night, but I kept getting very disappointed in a lot of things. Turns out they were supposed to tell me to log all her diapers, feedings, etc. But I didn't know. And they were supposed to give me a folder with birth certificate info, shots info, etc. But I didn't get that until right before we were discharged and after we had asked about the birth certificate. By the time we left, and the nurses all changed shifts, things got a little better, but we were definitely ready to get out of there and get home. They did have good food though, so that was a plus.

We were finally discharged and packed everything up. But then I decided I wanted to get our car seat inspected to make sure it was installed correctly. We had to wait for the inspector to get back from lunch, so we stayed and talked with the nurses for a while. Good thing we waited, because there were some changes we needed to make.

We got home and introduced Eleanor to our house. Apparently Spencer got the nesting instinct and cleaned the entire house. Dusted, wiped all the counters, disinfected everything.

At one point I looked at Spencer and said "welcome to our new life!".