Surviving Our First Deployment 2009-2010 Part 1

We're on the home stretch. Finally. And while this deployment is not over quite yet, I wanted to jot a few notes about this time of separation between Spencer and me. I want this to look back on and remember how I handled things. And please note - I am not writing this to get people to feel sorry for us. We knew what we were getting in to when we signed up for the military. And just remember where we live during all of this...

At this point we haven't seen each other in over 7 months. At times it feels like it has been forever, but overall, it has gone by somewhat fast. Somewhat. Now I can only speak for myself since he has been in a completely different world that I have during this time. I'll try to get him to write about his side at some point.

It seems as though the first and last months are the hardest. By far. The first month for obvious reasons. Knowing that you have many lonely times ahead of you. Not knowing if your relationship will change. Knowing you have to take on all of his responsibilities. Not knowing when you will get the next phone call.

The last month (or so) has been the hardest. Not because I'm more lonely, or more difficult things have happened, it's only because I'm inpatient. I don't want to wait any longer now that the end is in sight. I feel like I have waited long enough. We have found that the best solution for these last few weeks are what we call auto pilot mode. Have you seen the movie Click? Then you know what I mean. Just zone out the life around you. Eat, sleep, work out, and sit on the beach. And just wait for time to pass.

Now on to the in between months. It was during this time I felt the most comfortable. I was learning how to cope with the situation, and I knew how long I had to be Miss (Mrs.) Independent. Well, that was until we found out he got extended for 2 months.

On average we usually got to email several times a day, and talk on the phone once or twice on weekends. I trained myself to not expect more than that so that anything more was just a bonus. The phone calls usually lasted over an hour unless the phone lines were cut off for various reasons. That happened ALL the time. So frustrating to get cut off and then not know if he can call right back. I mean, how long do you wait by the phone? And speaking of phone calls, some of the times I was most sad is when I realized I had missed calls from him. Around the holidays, there were times he would sit by the phone waiting for up to 30 minutes trying to get a dial tone. And then when he finally gets through, and I don't answer....it's a sad day for both of us. My brother in law Pete suggested I change the ring tone to a loud annoying alarm when Spencer called so I made sure to never miss it. I did that, and my number of missed calls from him has significantly decreased. So thank you Pete. This suggestion came after I missed a call 2 days before Christmas while playing basketball. Spencer said in the message "I hope you guys are having fun. Not sure if I'll be able to call in the next few days, so have a Merry Christmas....". I did not handle that well. But luckily he did get to call Christmas Eve and Christmas day. Thank goodness. And just to note, I always had to wait for his call. I was not allowed to call him. It was completely one sided.

For Christmas I got us both webcams so we could finally Skype each other. That actually helped a ton to be able to hold a real conversation with each other (by real I mean SEEING facial expressions, SEEING reactions to jokes, and just knowing that he's still the same Spencer that I married). We were able to video chat only when he was on a port stop. When he's not at a port stop, he can't use his personal computer - only his work computer. The purchase of the web cams was totally worth it (thanks Kristi), even if we only started using them more than half way through.

While I feel like I sent a good amount of packages, I wish I would have sent more. A group of wives had a little thing going where we would send calendar squares to our guys every month. I didn't make it close to every month, but it was a cute idea. It was basically just a decorated page of pictures that they would post on a giant calendar thing on the boat. The first time I sent a package it got there in less than a week. That was the only one that got there that quickly. The others took up to a month. I tried sending cookies, dollies, candy, etc. Most of it didn't make it all the way without getting crushed to pieces or just ruined because of how long it took. At times I felt it was a wasted effort, but in the future I think I'll just be more mindful of what to send.

Though our communication was limited, I feel like we still maintained a strong connection with each other. I'm about to get mushy on you. We never missed a chance to tell each other how much we loved each other. Every phone call, email, and letter had our affection stamped all over it. Being so far apart from each other has it's obvious downers, but this is one thing that I actually loved about it. When you are with each other all day every day, you get comfortable. You email each other to get a specific message sent. You call to ask for favors. You just have an understanding that you know that you love each other. I'm sure we will be back to those days of comfort in no time, but for now, I am enjoying expressing my love at every possible chance.

Looking at how long this already is, I've decided to break this up into different parts. It's a little more detailed than I had planned. There is plenty more to say, so stay tuned...