12 months

I always knew I wanted to be a mom. Just go look up the records from McConnell Middle School's Student of the Day archives. I was in eighth grade, and when asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, my answer was easy, "a mom". Fast forward several years, and infertility hits. I was upset by it, obviously, but felt that I handled it pretty well. It didn't consume me. It didn't send me into depression or anything. Had I known exactly what I was missing out on, I might have handled it a bit differently. I had no idea how much happiness a tiny little baby could bring. I knew it would be great, but I didn't know just how great. I knew I could love, but Eleanor has shown me an entirely different way of loving.

The majority of my nights for the last 366 days(leap year) have ended with me lying in bed, unable to wipe a smile off my face(well, maybe not the first 3 months. I don't think I was awake long enough to think about anything except sleep sleep sleep when my head hit the pillow). Sometimes I have a hard time going to sleep because all I can think about is how fulfilling my life is with a baby. Not just any baby, but specifically Eleanor. I think about life before Eleanor, and how much time I completely wasted. Seriously, what did I do before I was nursing, changing diapers, bouncing, soothing, singing, dancing, peek-a-boo-ing, stepping on toys, tickling, bathing, swinging, chasing, rocking, etc. etc. etc.???? Oh wait, I made sure to write about it here so I wouldn't forget. Now that I have seen both sides, I choose the one I currently have. 100 million times out of 100 million times. That's easy. Why? Because Eleanor is the greatest thing to ever happen to me.

I know that every parent loves to talk and brag about how wonderful and perfect their children are. I get it. Because I'm about to do just that.

Eleanor is like Mary Poppins. Practically perfect in every way. As perfect as a little 12 month old can be. She is curious and smart, patient(how is that even possible in a human being under the age of 12? Although, this one seems to be gradually dying off) and sweet, stunningly beautiful(sometimes I literally can't stop staring at her), physically advanced, and perfectly sized(not too small, not too big. 50th% across the board in all categories at every visit). She has big brown eyes, a button nose, and rosebud mouth. Spencer and I aren't the only ones to notice her. Strangers seem to be drawn to her. Some of the words they have used to describe her are :alert, beautiful, graceful, sweet, petite, strong heart, and smart.

She is so friendly with other people. She loves seeing new faces, especially other kids and babies.

I haven't told too many people this, but after she was born, I had a very strong impression that she wasn't mine. Now obviously I'm not talking about physically, because I was VERY aware of her coming into the world out of my own body. Spiritually, I knew she was sent to me from Heavenly Father. Her spirit is not mine, but His.  He is letting me be her mom. For that, I am forever and ever grateful.

She has changed me in so many ways. Not only has she allowed me to love in a way I have never loved before, but she has inspired me to be a better person. She literally grabs my hand and takes me to the door to explore the world. She looks at me differently - and in such an approving way - when I take time to get ready for the day. That means hair and makeup done. She loves to learn and makes me question my thirst for knowledge on a regular basis. She never gives up. I have watched her try, try, and try again, over and over when learning a new skill or trying to achieve something. Her determination is contagious.

Things she's doing this month:
Signing: hurt, signing time, sleep. She now knows how to ask us to watch Baby Signing Time. We didn't teach her this. She'll sign it, walk to the tv, look at us, and wait for us to turn it on.

Walking like a pro.

I feel like we treat her like a dog at times when we are commanding different tricks. The most popular ones are: close eyes, open mouth, stick out tongue, blow a kiss

Waves 'hi' and 'bye' anytime she hears the words.

Loves dogs, but is still so scared of them. Anytime she hears the dogs in our neighborhood, she'll perk up and say "a-DUH". I'm assuming that's supposed to be "dog".

Loves the mall. We have done a good bit of shopping the last month, and when she is let loose in the mall, she is in her own little world. She'll go around picking up necklaces, shoes, etc. If I pick her up and lead her in the direction we are going, the second I put her down, she turns to go in the direction SHE wants to go. She just seems so happy when surrounded by so much merchandise.

She reeeeally wants to eat with a spoon and fork on her own. I'll always give her one at meal time, and she'll always try to get the food on the utensil. Sometimes she'll pick up the food with her hand and place it on the fork, then eat it.

The playground is also a hotspot for her. Not just for the swings or slides, but because of all the kids there! One of the first times Spencer and I took her, Spencer walked with her up on the bridge, and when she looked at me, she just started waving and smiling.

For some reason, she gets shy around Spencer. Not sure why. He'll come home from work, and she'll say "dada", and walk over, but she'll still want to come to me. She'll always put her head on my shoulder whenever he's trying to kiss her. It's obvious that she loves him, but maybe his 5 o'clock scruff is a little too rough for her.

She loves the skateboard. The first time I let her stand on it, I pushed her around(slowly), and she liked it. I don't think she ever fell off. Now I'll turn my back to get on the computer, and when I turn around, she'll have climbed up and standing on the skateboard. Seems to be a thrill seeker.

She loves to put things over her head and around her neck. Towels, clothes, necklaces, buckets, really whatever she thinks will fit. My favorite - and hers too - are my necklaces. She knows exactly where they are. Only problem is when those necklaces find the toilet.

I find misplaced items around the house all the time. My phone in the shower, spoons in the toilet, sunscreen in the fridge, remote in the trash can, etc. It makes me smile every time.

She likes to fill her mouth with water(or any other drink), then let it spill out of her mouth. She does this all the time.

I could write about her all day long. All that really matters, and what I hope to remember, is that Spencer and I are forever changed because of her.